It’s Okay To Give Up
There has always been a negative connotation attached onto the phrase “giving up”. Giving up is commonly perceived by the great majority of society as an act which exposes one’s weak, cowardly and unmotivated character. When someone gives up, society and even himself subconsciously label him as a failure. Therefore, no one wants to be the one who gives up. In fear of a damning backlash, we persist through the pain, even if we feel ourselves breaking down.
I’m sure the act of giving up needs no introduction. I dare say that everybody has given up on something at some point in their lives, be it a life goal, a new years resolution, a relationship, a job, or simpler, smaller tasks such as a long-distance run or studying for the upcoming test.
So, what is inherently wrong with the act of giving up which ignites people’s overwhelming passion to condemn you for it? In my opinion, nothing is. After all, it is something that you decide on that does not affect the other party, so who are they to judge you for the choices you make? The audacity of these nosy busybodies really is appalling at times.
Give yourself a break!
Contrary to popular belief, giving up is not always permanent. For instance, giving up on a 10 kilometer run doesn’t mean that you cannot attempt it another day, nor does giving up on a relationship imply that you will stay single forever. Think of it as taking a break. Give up, and sooner or later come back to it, refreshed and stronger than ever.
They say that life is never a bed of roses, and I could not agree more. In fact, it is more of the opposite: an endless field of dangerous plants, out to prick you, cut you, poison you and make you suffer, and suffer you will. Life is a struggle, bitter and hard, especially for those working to get to where they want to be in life. Working out to get fit is a struggle; studying for an exam is a pain; everyday problem-solving when working is a struggle. These tasks are rewarding and satisfying when completed, but this does not discount the fact that they are tiresome a lot of the time. Of course, if you enjoy partaking in such activities, then kudos to you, but I’m sure that many would prefer reaping the rewards without going through the process.
Usually, the goals which you set for yourself and the tasks people assign to you are draining, especially if it becomes a daily commitment. Your physical, mental and emotional resilience will be put to the test. Imagine waking up day after day, resisting the urge to stay in bed, immediately heading to work, study, or to complete your daily grind, just to head home, sleep, and repeat the endless cycle again the next day. Many of you would be able to relate to it, as today’s fast-paced society does not provide many opportunities for people to slow down. As YouTuber Casey Neistat puts it very aptly in his YouTube video, life is like going the wrong way on a moving sidewalk : walk and you stay put, stand still and you go backwards. To get ahead, you have to hustle (The video is an adaptation of the tweet from the Farrelly brothers). In the never-ending rat race, people often keep moving forward in that moving sidewalk, in fear of losing out to the rest on that same sidewalk, rarely taking some time to stop, relax and recharge. Over a long period of time, we start feeling tired all the time, lacking motivation to do anything. We suffer from ‘chronic lethargy’, and productivity drops. On top of that, our health deteriorates. A deadly combination of physical weakening and mental drain eats at us. The light at the end of the tunnel seems too far away, being barely visible to the naked eye.
Why not take a break? Give up on some of these tasks, maybe temporarily, maybe permanently. Cut yourself the slack that you need, and go have fun. Do something unproductive for a change, and it will make you more productive in the long run. Giving up does not always spell the end for your hopes, dreams and aspirations, but it is a tactical hiatus which will make you happier in the long run. Knowing when to quit, in my opinion, is just every bit as important as knowing how to push on.
Nobody knows you better than you know yourself
As cliché as it sounds, it is true. You know your limits, what you can do, what you can’t, however hard you try. You know how you are feeling, how tired you are and how much more you can push on. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Of course, there are times where you want to take the path of least resistance. Even though you are not yet close to the breaking point, you still want to give up and slack off. It’s easy to give in to the temptation of not doing anything, as the feeling of bliss when all responsibilities are stripped off you is irreplaceable.
Again, this leads back to the point of knowing when to quit and when to push on. There exists a spectrum of the level of persistence for any one person. On one end, the individual forces himself well past his limits, damaging his health in the process. On the other, the individual mimics the sloth, moving nowhere and achieving nothing, both figuratively and literally. Both extremes of the spectrum yield ruinous outcomes, and as everything goes, a balance is desired.
So what exactly is this balance? Well, it is hard to say, because it varies for different individuals. I suggest trying and experimenting it out for yourself, and very quickly you will find your balance: a range in the persistence spectrum which is comfortable for you, such that you can sustain and be productive concurrently. Use that range as your guide, and be careful not to step past its limits.
Encourage, but don’t push
There is a fine line between encouraging and pushing. Encouraging someone is the act of giving hope, confidence and your full support to an individual’s actions and decisions. Encouragement, in some sense, is powering up someone or giving him an energy boost, but at the same time keeping your distance and maintaining the autonomy of that individual’s decisions. Ultimately, the final decision is still his/hers to make, however much advice and influence you exert.
Pushing is when that line starts being crossed. Encouragement becomes a sense of obligation, and the individual is pressured to push on no matter the costs. Pushing commonly manifests in the form of belittlement, ostracision, shunning, threats, or even physical means. It heavily influences the decision making process in a negative way.
It sounds like a terrible thing to do, and it is. The problem is that we unknowingly commit these acts of terror a lot of the time. As mentioned above, society in general tends to perceive those who give up as weak, and these lamentable acts arise from that mindset. The social norm causes a downward spiral of stress and lethargy, a positive feedback loop of negativity.
That mindset has to change, and everybody can play their part in that. First, recognise that you have your own breaking point. You have a desirable persistence range to work in. By recognising that, you also extend the idea to your fellow friends and family. Everyone, even those who seem strong-willed and resolute, has a breaking point. Instead of pushing them past their limits, encourage and support their journey. Help them with the little things, offer some words of motivation, and if they do decide to give up, provide your utmost support, and help him get back up when he is ready.
An environment in which people who give up are shunned is a toxic one. As much as possible, avoid it entirely. If not, don’t fall into the spiral and try to make a change in that culture.
Stay true to yourself
To conclude, the most important factor in all this is to be and stay true to yourself. Be honest with your own feelings and intentions. Try as hard as you can, but avoid being overzealous. Recognise your own limits, and abide to them. Give yourself breaks when necessary, and give up when you genuinely feel like you need to.
Only when you are true to yourself can you avoid succumbing to other people’s expectations of you. I implore everyone reading this to stand firm and be courageous enough to say that you need a break, even when they are pushing you to the end. At the same time, treat others how you would like to be treated. Encourage and support, yes, but remember never to cross that line.
